Fic: Collide (Part V)
Nov. 25th, 2013 12:09 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
boxxsaltzTitle: Collide
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Tiffany/Yuri
Summary: Somewhere between beginnings and ends
AN: Beta credit to bobalub
Part V
Red, orange, yellow.
The leaves drifted off near naked branches like drops of paint filling in the monochrome pigment of a black and white photo. Tiffany stared straight ahead, watching as a yellow leaf made its way down, down, down until it landed onto the coffin sitting beside an open grave.
The corner of her mouth twitched upwards as the leaf danced along the polished, onyx gray, streaking along it like a beam of sun. All Tiffany could really think, as the wind picked the leaf up and took it away, that even in her passing Yuri would never stop being that spot of sun.
“A moment of silence.”
Her head bowed but her eyes didn’t close. She took the opportunity to look around, chin tilting back up to see the tops of heads all bent and eyes shut. Tiffany suddenly felt like she could breathe again without all the eyes - those pitiful eyes. They weighed on her heavier than a tormented soul and drove her into the dirt with her beloved.
She took the moment as an escape, gaze sweeping along the crowd. She knew many faces and others she did not. From boxers to fans to old acquaintances and friends. Tiffany thanked them all silently for coming and for their support.
She looked to each of her sides. Siwon stood on one while Sunny took the other. She could feel their warmth but saw their faces. They were sculpted, carved like knights protecting their king on a chessboard. She wished they wouldn't try so hard. They didn’t need to be strong, not for her sake, they were all in it together.
The flash of pale skin drew Tiffany’s eyes to Yoona brushing hair behind her ear a couple seats down in the crowd trying to blend in. She wouldn’t take Tiffany’s offer to sit with the three of them. She claimed her rightful place was with all the others and Jessica who passed off that she was only their to help Taeyeon make sure things went smoothly.
The murmur of silence ended had Tiffany snapping her attention forward again. Men in black suits lifted the coffin gently to ease into the ground. Music began to play with the flick of Taeyeon’s cueing wrist and the sniffles began.
Tiffany screwed her eyes up to the clouds. She saw the tears, heard the sobs. They closed in around her, louder than the mocking chirp of birds and sharper than the searing planes overhead. They made her skin crawl and made her jaw tighten.
A hand reached out on her right. Sunny’s fingers intertwined with hers while Siwon eased in closer. Tiffany refused to look at them. She dropped her head, eyes at her feet. The casket gave its last showing before it was enveloped into the depths.
Tiffany licked her lips. She could feel her own tears building. She didn’t want to cry.
“Goodbye,” she whispered.
And then everything went cold.
-/-/-/-
“We’re sorry for your loss.”
“She was such a pretty girl.”
“Call if you need anything.”
“So young, so young.”
They hit Tiffany and rolled off slick like rain water in the form of cards, voicemails, letters, and run-ins over the days.
She picked up what cards she received and tossed them into the trash. She ripped flowers from counters and vases and threw them in after with every other piece of funeral paraphernalia she still had laying around.
“You must be heartbroken.”
“She didn’t deserve to die.”
“I don’t see how you do it.”
Picking up her ringing phone, Tiffany punched it off and shoved it in a drawer. She made for the bedroom and stopped at the door. The bed mocked her with the desire to sleep while the sting in her eyes reminded her of the last time she had tried only to end up seeing tubes and needles and whites and grays and -
Tiffany snatched the comforter from her bed and moved to the living room where she sprawled out on the couch. She lied there, eyes steadily growing heavier and heavier until she could keep them open no longer.
With the morning sun bidding her goodnight, Tiffany slept.
-/-/-/-
Black heels, black dress.
Tiffany sat on the edge of her bed. The closet door was open still holding her attire from the funeral days - weeks - ago on a hanger on the door. She stared at it. Black dress, black lace, a black sash around the middle. Black, black black…
Her eyes shifted, there were her heels thrown beside a pair of running shoes - her shoes. They were worn, put to good use. Tiffany stepped right over them as she reached in and pulled out a change of clothes.
She washed and dressed in silence. She combed out her hair, curling it on the ends and shook it out with a hand before she picked up her keys and left.
-/-/-/-
“Tiffany?”
“Hey,” she stopped organizing her cluttered desk to wave Yoona in with a smile.
Yoona walked into her office hesitatingly. Tiffany watched her face mold itself from shock into a poorly veiled mask of indifference as she approached with an arm full of papers. Her eyes swept the spotless desk, scanning over places where pictures used to sit.
Tiffany used the toe of her heel to push the box she had discarded all of those things further beneath her desk.
“I was about to go for lunch. Want to come?” She asked, distracting Yoona from pulling in her eyebrows anymore.
It was time she had seen Yoona since the funeral, kept out by unanswered phone calls and ignored voicemails. A part of her felt guilty for it. A part of her wanted to apologize, to reach out and grip her tight and beg for Yoona to do more than just lunches or dinner.
More than just swooping in at these desperate hours of need but rather cling on for her to stick around longer. To not leave Tiffany drowning alone like this anymore.
Yoona looked up at her, head tilted in concern. “What are you doing here?”
“You too?” As quickly as guilt had come, in set the anger. It was misplaced, she knew it the second it was out of her mouth but the poison kept seeping into her tongue. “Why does everyone keep asking me that?”
“We didn’t expect you in until next week.”
“The paper doesn’t stop for anyone. So why should I?” Tiffany snapped.
The flicker of hurt in the flat pull of Yoona’s lip was too much. What was that Sunny always told her?
“Hurt people hurt people, Fany. Get a hold of yourself.”
The situation had been different - something immature with a frat boy she should’ve kicked to the curb before he even had the chance to flash his pretty smile. But Tiffany knew. She knew the longer she sat there in front of one of the few people she had left she’d do more damage than she wanted to.
“On second thought,” Tiffany picked her purse out of the bottom drawer. “I think I’ll eat alone.”
She clicked out of the room. She didn’t have to look back to know Yoona didn’t follow.
But that guilt paired with a simmering pang of yearning wished she would have.
-/-/-/-
“What’s that?” Yuri looked down at the box dropped in her lap from where she lounged on the couch.
“Something you never get me.” Tiffany swatted at Yuri’s legs to move and sat down, curling up on Yuri’s side as she took up the box in her hands.
“A box?”
“A present.” Tiffany deadpanned.
“Oh.”
Tiffany rolled her eyes. “Well, open it.”
Yuri chuckled to herself as she peeled off pieces of tape and paper. Scratching at the flap, she popped it open. Tiffany smiled, watching Yuri take out a long furry charm hanging at the end of a metal chain.
“Uh…” Yuri turned it around in the air, brow drawn in. “What is it?”
“It’s a rabbit's foot!”
“For what?”
“For good luck! Look.” Tiffany got up to grab Yuri keys from the coffee table. Returning to the couch, she started linking it onto one of the keyrings. “You put it on here and carry it around wherever you go.”
“Why?”
“Seriously?”
“My family wasn’t the superstitious type.”
Tiffany sneered, pinching Yuri in the arm. She smirked at Yuri’s little wince as she rubbed the sore spot.
“I got it because I know you’ve been worried about your match coming up,” Tiffany explained. “I have to work so I won’t be able to travel with you, and it’s your first big match of the season, so I thought this would help.”
“It’s a severed piece of rodent.”
“Yuri!”
Yuri leaned over, pecking her lips. “I love it, thank you.”
Sitting back, Yuri took the keys out of Tiffany’s hand and leaned back against the armrest. She held the keychain above her head, flicking at the charm like a curious cat.
“Don’t lose it.” Tiffany grumbled, getting up to head for the kitchen.
It was when she was pulling out the frying pan when she heard Yuri shout,
“But I always get you something for your birthday!”
Tiffany smirked.
-/-/-/-
Her apartment had never known solitude but Tiffany wasn’t alone. She wouldn’t allow herself to think that. She wouldn’t allow herself to claim that.
She sat out two plates, scooping equal portions onto each. Yuri was always late on weekends but she’d never let her dinner go cold. She’d be home any second, jogging down the hall and fumbling to get her key into the lock.
She’d swoop in, peck Tiffany’s cheek, run off to wash her face and hands then return to eat.
Tiffany cut her chicken up slowly. Yuri just needed a bit more time.
The clock mocked her, minute after minute after minute after minute.
Her plate was halfway gone when the floorboards outside the door gave a creak. Tiffany jumped from the table and ran for it. She got the front door opened before reality sank in.
She stared at the wall across the way.
Empty.
Shutting the door, Tiffany turned the bolt and jammed her shoulder against it making sure it was shut tightly. What had she been thinking?
Her chest burned right in the center as she leaned up against the door, face smashed into the wood. her hands clenched, keeping them from shaking. She ground her jaw to keep down the cutting feeling in her throat.
Yuri wasn’t there. Yuri wasn’t coming home. Yuri was gone. She was gone.
Tiffany slapped a hand over her mouth to hold back the squeak of a cry. A hand gripped onto the front of her shirt as if the harder she held she’d be able to mend the shattered pieces in her chest there. But she couldn't.
She was heartbroken. She was more than that. Something akin to gutted by a rusty knife and served on a platter for the world to eat alive.
Sinking to the floor, Tiffany drew in her knees. She groped at her chest. She needed to pull the needles out.
She gasped - dry heaved - as the onslaught of emotion came over her. She couldn't breathe. It was almost too much, struck suddenly by all she had not felt the day she saw Yuri last looking cold, dolled up, and put on display as if she were still in her prime.
For the first time since Yuri took her last breath, face pressed to the floor, Tiffany cried.
-/-/-/-
A plate hit the table.
Tiffany looked up from her files to see one of the waitresses smiling down at her through the glare in her reading glasses.
“I didn’t order this.”
The waitress shrugged and walked away. Tiffany eyed the sandwich and soup that steamed something tantalizing. She wondered if it was a message - that if she was going to come in and work every night she better eat something.
Picking off a flake of croissant, Tiffany chewed on it halfheartedly. If she wanted to eat something, she’d cook. If she wanted to cook, she’d go home. If she wanted to feel trapped and smothered with the fact she’d be doing it alone, she’d sit at her dining table and eye the chair across from her.
A mug of tea soon came to her table by the same waitress. Tiffany opened her mouth to speak when -
“On the house.” The waitress sat down a few choices of sugars. “Stay as long as you’d like.”
Tiffany watched her go, fading into the backdrop of the cafe to attend to another table. A pair of eyes of the person being waited on caught her attention and Tiffany gritted her teeth. She knew that face. She had seen it at Yuri’s gym enough to remember him. To know he had been close to Yuri.
Tiffany pushed away the plate of food and picked up her files to read again. She needed no one’s pity food and she needed no kind waitress to keep checking over on her with the excuse of pouring her more tea.
Stomach twisted into knots, Tiffany finished her work and went home.
The couch enveloped her like an old friend and the insomnia kept her company all the same.
Alarm going off, Tiffany got to her feet and repeated it all again.
-/-/-/-
“Yoona?”
Yoona stopped in the hall right before Tiffany’s office door. She turned slowly, finding Tiffany’s face. Tiffany wondered if Yoona could read the lines in her face and crack the code of what laid in the bags beneath her eyes and the sunken sharp angles of her cheeks.
With a small nod, Yoona stepped slowly over the threshold. She remained standing, hands clasped in front of her as she gave a small bow. “I’m sorry about last week.”
Tiffany went rigid. She felt an apology form on her tongue. But to say sorry was to admit something was wrong.
“Do you want to have dinner with me?” She said instead.
Yoona’s lashes fluttered in surprise. Though she tried to hide it, the corner of her lip kinked up into a smile before she let it fade. “I’ll pick you up?”
Tiffany bit her tongue before she could lash out. Yoona was only asking because that’s what they used to do, sometimes alternating between who would pick who up. It had nothing to do with her capabilities or lack there of.
She forced on a smile. “I’ll meet you there.”
-/-/-/-
She took them to a table in the back without waiting to be seated. A waiter smiled her way and Tiffany ignored him as she slipped in beneath warm caramel light across from Yoona.
“Do you come here often?” Asked Yoona after ordering.
Tiffany laughed it off, passing her menu off to the waiter. “The environment is easy to work in.”
“Holes in the wall are the best places for that.”
“They’re quiet.”
“They are.” Yoona thanked the waiter who sat down their food.
Tiffany tried not to think about how dull and tasteless their conversation was as she chewed on a lettuce leaf. She thought she had gotten rid of that elephant. But a new one had arrived the moment they sat down, taunting Tiffany like a weight in her chest.
“I’ve been looking for a new apartment.” She tried again.
“What’s wrong with the one you’re in?”
“Too big for one person.” Her body seized right after the words left her mouth. There was so much more to it than extra square feet. More things along the lines of memories and legacy, life and loss, beginnings and ends.
“Hmm,” Yoona hummed, blowing off a spoon of soup. “Maybe I could help you look.”
“Maybe.”
Tiffany watched her eat, memories taking her back into that hospital room. Curiosity welled up in her along with a choking sense of fear. It was something that had always scratched at the back of Tiffany’s mind but she had always been too afraid to ask. But she had to know. She needed to know.
“Yoona?”
She jerked her head to show she was listening. Tiffany licked her lips as Yoona took a bite of her sandwich. Crumbs decorated her bottom lip that she quickly dabbed at with a napkin. Her eyes found Tiffany, willing her to continue.
Tiffany got caught in those eyes the way she saw Yuri lock onto them. Suddenly, Tiffany didn’t feel hungry anymore.
“What did she tell you?”
“When?”
“You know when.”
Yoona sat down her spoon, nervously running a hand through her hair. Tiffany wondered if she’d lie, make something up, pretend she didn’t know what Tiffany was talking about. Perhaps she had a right to do that - it was between her and Yuri - and perhaps she may have been better off not knowing.
“She told me to stop holding back.” Said Yoona. She shifted, sitting taller as she found Tiffany’s eyes square on when she spoke again. “And I told her that I loved you too much to let you die with her.”
Tiffany stiffened. Something nasty and lashing swam up her gut and pulled in grinded her teeth. Something like anger simmered beneath the surface of her skin.
“I don’t need you.” She bit, acidic enough she could taste the bitterness of her own words.
Yoona nodded, head dropping. She picked up her spoon in one swift motion and continued eating.
Tiffany boiled, watching her do it as if what she had said could be easily thrown away. As if it didn’t affect Tiffany or herself. As if Tiffany didn’t feel it or know it in her core that Yoona was telling the truth and a part of her had fluttered at it.
As if Yuri’s death had finally given her the grace to even make such a claim.
Snatching up her purse, Tiffany got up and left.
-/-/-/-
She didn’t need her.
Tiffany stormed into her apartment, throwing her purse away blindly as she sliced through into the bedroom.
She didn’t need Yoona. She didn’t need anyone. She didn’t need Yuri and her fragments looming over her and dangling like tarnished bulbs swinging off dead, dry limbs of a christmas tree.
“Out!” Tiffany snarled.
The door slammed against the wall as Tiffany threw the closet open. She dove in, hands grabbing one piece of clothing to the next. Shirts ripped off hangers and fell to the floor in a pile.
Tears coated her face as she clawed out everything that was Yuri – everything that smelt of Yuri.
“No, no, no, no, no!” She chanted.
Blouses and pants wrapped around her ankles as she pressed deeper inside tricking her footing.
With a yell, Tiffany went barreling inside, body smacking against the back wall. She fell, bringing down the clothing rod that clattered down on top of her.
“Fuck!”
She fought to throw it all off of her – to get Yuri away. Her smell wafted thick and spicy, choking Tiffany into ragged sobs.
Her chest ached and her throat burned. Her nails scratched against her neck in desperation. Everything hurt. Everything hurt. Everything hurt.
She pushed deep into the corner, gasping harshly with a dry throat. Tears streamed down her red face, running sloppy make-up.
She pulled into herself, arms wrapped tightly around her legs. Her body canted over, landing her face into clothes. She could smell the mix of her and Yuri as thick and strong as if she were lying with her.
“Why?” Tiffany choked out, gripping onto a shirt. “Why!”
Her teeth clenched, eyes pinching. Her sobs came in dry heaves from the center of her gut.
Agony seared through her.
Tiffany curled up, shirt held tightly to her chest.
“Why?”
-/-/-/-
“Yuri.”
Tiffany wished she hadn’t seen them, but her face had given it away. Yuri turned over her shoulder and there they were being seated a section over from where they sat.
“We should go.” Tiffany signed her name on the check and picked up Yuri’s keys.
“Wait,” Yuri stopped her with the seriousness in her tone. When she looked at Tiffany, it was with a mix of both sadness and fear. “Maybe we should say something.”
“I’m sure that’s exactly what they want.”
“Why are you getting angry?”
“I’m not.”
“Yes, you are.”
“I just think we should leave. They haven’t seen us yet and they won’t ever have to see us again. Like you said.”
Yuri’s face hardened. She dropped her napkin on the table and got up.
“Yuri.” Tiffany called after her then hissed, “Yuri!” But she was too far away and heads had already looked their way in the restaurant.
Tiffany watched in nervous anticipation as Yuri hovered for a moment, waiting for the waiter to leave the table before she walked up to it. The look on the Kwon’s faces shifted just as much as Tiffany did in her chair from witnessing it.
Confusion, to shock, to horror, to disgust when Mrs. Kwon caught sight of Tiffany across the way.
She immediately looked down but quickly turned back up. It looked bad. Tense. Mr. Kwon sipped continuously at his wine as Yuri talked with rigid shoulders. Tiffany couldn't see her face, but she could see the parent’s. They weren’t pleased, and by the looks of it, whatever was spewing out of Mrs. Kwon’s mouth was rancid to both Yuri’s heart and her ears.
At the sight of Mrs. Kwon standing up, Tiffany rose ready to move.
Mr. Kwon intervened, waving for his wife to sit while Yuri backed away with hands up. She drew back a few more paces and bowed deeply to both of them before making it for the door.
Tiffany rushed out then, finding Yuri pacing up and down the sidewalk, hands in her hair.
“Yuri-”
“Don’t!” She snapped, finger pointed at her. “Don’t say anything.”
She walked away, pacing again. She reached the corner of the street where she stopped and screamed something harsh into the night that echoed off buildings.
Tiffany clenched her hands in the pockets of her coat, feeling the metal of keys dig into her palm. She stayed at a distance watching Yuri sink down onto a bench, back hunched over and hands clasped behind her neck with head downcast.
She had never once seen Yuri look so alone - so rejected.
Tiffany felt the fur of the rabbits foot brush along her palm. She sighed, leaning against the brick face of a shop, waiting for the coils in Yuri’s shoulders to subside.
No matter how much luck she could give, there were some things it would never be enough for.
-/-/-/-
She woke with a dullness set in her ribs and a heaviness in her lids.
Tiffany rolled onto her back with soreness in her limbs. She stared up at the closet ceiling, eyes following the lazy swing of the lightbulb chain hovering above her. The musty smell of the closet pressed in on all sides reminding her how many nights she had spent curled up on clothes like a mattress and wrapped in jackets like blankets.
The fragrance of Yuri had bled into nothingness - her senses already becoming accustomed to it. She sucked in a shallow breath, trying to taste the air but got nothing but the dusty, damp heat in return. Tiffany sucked in through her nose, lungs shuddering as they tried to grasp onto something - anything - of what she so desperately wanted.
But there was nothing left.
Rolling onto her stomach, Tiffany pushed herself to hands and knees and crawled. She pushed the closet door open with a shoulder and dragged herself on weak limbs across the bedroom floor. The carpet was itchy beneath her palms but it had no comparison to the scratchiness in her throat.
Intruding rays of sun peeked through slivers in the curtains. Tiffany avoided them and curled up with knees to her chest against the side of her bed, head lolled back onto a comforter she hadn’t used in days.
Hand throwing up, she dragged her phone off her night table and dialed.
The ring was harsh in the silence but the voice that cut through was delicate, almost palpable, reaching through the receiver to brush at Tiffany’s cheek.
“Tiffany?”
Their breath took over the line after that - Tiffany’s elongated and shaky while Yoona’s remained soft and quick.
She licked her lips, tasting the salt of her own teas and the residue of blood from where she had bitten too hard into it.
One last quivering breath, she whispered, “help me.”
-/-/-/-
Drowsiness was upon Tiffany when Yoona arrived. She had enough strength to get to the door and unlock it to let her in.
The way Yoona looked at her made Tiffany want to crawl back into closet and hide away. Not because Yoona saw the repulsion of Tiffany’s tangled, matted hair and empty, sunken cheeks but rather because she looked at Tiffany with care.
Stepping inside, Yoona took Tiffany loosely by the wrist and led her through the apartment.
Tiffany said nothing as she worked, setting Tiffany on top of the toilet cover and turning on the bath water. She left for a moment and came back with a handful of clean clothes and sat them on the sink counter.
“I’ll be in the kitchen.” Yoona said, starting for the door.
“No.” Tiffany blinked against the harsh lights. The ghost of Yuri lingered here. She did not want to be left alone with it. “Please?”
Yoona sucked on her bottom lip, eyes fluttering barely. Something in Tiffany told her Yoona was trying to keep it together as much as she was.
They spoke not another word as Yoona knelt down, helping pull the shirt over Tiffany’s head. She slipped pants down her legs and flicked them away off her ankles. Standing her up, she turned Tiffany around. Her cold fingers sent shivers down Tiffany’s spine as they undid the clasps of her bra and let it fall from her arms.
Yoona offered her arm as support, helping ease Tiffany into the tub. Her eyes stayed on Yoona as she settled down into the warm water with guiding hands that leaned her against the wall.
When Yoona went to pull back for the soap Tiffany caught her hand. Yoona’s gaze finally met hers and they stopped.
Tiffany couldn't read Yoona the way she could Yuri. She couldn’t place why her eyes were so heavy or that ghost of a smile ever present was gone. She couldn't tell why her lashes fluttered when Tiffany threaded their fingers together and held it tightly as she closed her eyes.
She couldn't tell but Tiffany didn’t care. All she needed at that moment was an anchor. One that wouldn’t let her slide under the water and drown herself the way she was afraid she would’ve done if no one else were there.
All she needed was someone to help take all the pain away.
Sometime to make her feel something other than this sinking feeling again.
-/-/-/-
Packets of ramyeon and flakes of dried noodles littered the kitchen counter. Her trashcan was overflowed with groceries gone bad in her fridge that had only been opened by Yoona for the first time in the past months.
Yanking the bag from the bin, Yoona tied off the open end and placed another inside before washing off her hands and returning to the stove.
She poured spicy, steaming noodles into two bowls and brought them to the table. Tiffany watched her eat, waiting for the nausea of eating to come to her. It didn’t.
Yoona sprinkled some sort of seasoning into her bowl that attacked Tiffany's nose in a tangy fury. Her stomach churned, gnawing on itself and her mouth began to water.
Picking up her chopsticks, Tiffany stirred the noodles around, staring down at the bowl.
Picking some up, she blew on it and chewed slowly.
-/-/-/-
Tiffany stood in the middle of the gym. Her eyes were drawn to the large, frontface window where a memorial for Yuri laid rich with flowers and pictures. Unlit candles, wicks gone black and wax nearly completely melted surrounded gloves, shoes, towels. Folded up letters were strew along over a robe peppered with petals.
“Fany?”
Tiffany swiped the stray tear off her cheek as she turned around. Siwon stood before her, holding Yuri’s old gym bag. She nearly choked seeing the worn out, beaten up rabbits foot hanging off the strap.
“You don’t have to take it-”
“No,” Tiffany held out her hand for it. “No, I can. I can take it.”
The strap dug into her shoulder, weighing her down. A part of her told her to hand it back - she didn’t need this stuff too. She couldn’t handle anymore of this.
“Call me if you need anything.”
“I will,” Tiffany pushed on a sad smile. Siwon echoed it in a way that said he knew Tiffany probably wouldn’t. At least not now. “Thank you.”
She bowed and turned to go.
“Hey, Fany?” Siwon called. She turned over her shoulder. “You look good.”
“Thank you.” She murmured and walked out of the place.
She left everything but one of Yuri’s shirt in the trunk of her car and pulled it on before climbing into bed.
It was the first time sleep came to her a little easier than before - she never did sleep well without Yuri beside her. But she couldn’t figure if that was because of Yuri’s scent filling her nose or the sound of footsteps in the other room that made her believe Yuri was just beyond the door and would come in to curl up with her soon.
Whatever it was, Tiffany thought as she drifted off, she thanked it for keeping the nightmares away this once.
-/-/-/-
It was funny what loneliness and brokenness could do to a person - could make them feel. Tiffany convinced herself that was all it was. She was not whole, her other half had gone, and her body screamed for that lost piece of the puzzle to complete her again but could only find this jagged edge.
It saw the rough ends of this new piece, sharp and new and flashy unlike the well weathered rounded turns and dips of Yuri. But it was alluring - Yoona was alluring. Her smell of roasted coffee beans and skin of a velvet moon were enticing.
Tiffany willed herself to block out all else. She didn’t want to think of the warmth Yoona brought into her apartment or the warmth in her heart that had spilt out on many occasion to envelope Tiffany when her insides felt the coldest. She didn’t want to admit how she didn’t want her to go home - she wanted to cling on and let everything of her past fade into blackness tucked beneath crisps sheets.
She didn’t want to. She wouldn’t. She couldn’t admit it.
But she could show it, masked in the guise of needing something to distract her from the anguish that always waged within her.
“Tiffany?” Yoona’s voice was groggy and thick. She sat up on the couch, blanket falling around her waist and messy hair cascading over her shoulders in waves.
Those footsteps never came into her bedroom and Tiffany needed something real to atone for the absence of a second dip in her bed.
She hardly thought, moving in one swift motion, cutting off Yoona’s surprised breath and choking out her own uneven breathing.
Yoona tasted of silk and the rise of a summer moon. Her lips were smooth and cool, soft pillows that allowed Tiffany to rest and whisper her burdens onto. She held Yoona still with a hand, tongue tasting the newness of that mouth full of too big smiles and a wave-settling voice.
And then it all caught up to her.
She pulled back, eyes wide while Yoona’s remained drunk with sleep and lidded with the faint hint of desire. She licked her lips lazily and Tiffany watched the movement almost tempted to dip back for more.
She moved away instead.
Returning to the bedroom, she locked the door behind her and leaned up against it.
Her lips tingled and her veins felt like fire and ice were rushing through them. Her hands were shaking when she brought one up to touch her lips.
Yoona held promise in her kiss and safety on her tongue.
Tiffany closed her eyes and let out a breath. She hadn’t expected that.
And she hadn’t expected her heart to yearn for it the way it did.
-/-/-/-
They tiptoed around each in the morning.
Tiffany emerged from the bedroom drowsy and groggy. She had hardly gotten any sleep. Her mind raced along with her pulse that cycled between hard pounding against her chest and suffocating clenches that had her in near tears.
She shuffled into the kitchen and leaned against the counter. Yoona moved around, pouring coffee and toasting bagels. She buzzed about as if Tiffany wasn’t there while at the same time acknowledging she was with how many spoons of sugar she dropped into the mug for Tiffany and how many minutes she allowed the bagel to toast.
It was when Yoona was spreading cinnamon cream cheese onto a bagel that Tiffany finally broke the silence.
“I’ll always love her.” Her voice sounded small and laced with exhaustion.
Yoona’s hand paused for a moment and quickly started up again. “I know.”
“You don’t care?”
“I made a promise.” She sat down Tiffany’s plate first then doubled back to grab hers.
Tiffany remained where she stood against the counter, watching Yoona with narrowed eyes. “What if you never did?”
Yoona’s plate clinked against the table followed by the scratch of her chair as she pulled it out and sat down. When she looked up at Tiffany, she had that look on her face like the one she had in the cafe. Something of pure certainty and apprehension but the latter would not stop her from speaking.
“I’d still be here,” she started, voice heavy with a sincerity that made Tiffany’s stomach twist. “I’d still be here, right now, with you, making sure your noodles were warm and your bath was drawn.”
“You’re lying.”
“Am I?” Yoona blinked down to her plate and picked up her bagel.
There it was again, that heir of indifference. But Tiffany knew she was anything but. She saw the faint quiver in Yoona’s hand as she picked up her glass to sip. But she mostly knew because Tiffany felt the same quiver in her lip that vibrated down into her chest and made her heart squeeze.
Leaving her food untouched, Tiffany returned to her room and shut the door.
-/-/-/-
“I kissed Yoona.”
“You don’t talk to me for a month and this is what you call to tell me?”
“I don’t know why I did it.”
“I think you do. Hold on a sec.” The sounds of music and people chatting came and went as Suny moved to a different room in the station. “Remember when I told you not to be stupid?”
“This probably isn’t the right time to say I told you so, is it?”
Silence came from Sunny’s end. Tiffany could practically hear her rolling her eyes. “You never had feelings for Yoona then.”
“What about-”
“You were scared then and you’re lonely now.” Sunny came back, voice set. “Now listen to me because I only have a few minutes.” She took a breath. Tiffany felt the weight of her words before they even started. “No one is going to be able to erase Yuri. No one will be what Yuri was. Yoona will never be her and the sooner you accept that the sooner you’ll figure this all out.”
Tiffany chewed on her lip, body curling up tighter where she laid buried in the darkness beneath her covers. “Doesn’t that sound selfish?”
“You just lost the love of your life a few months ago,” Sunny pointed out, voice catching just barely. “It could take years for you to recover, and if Yoona is still there making you smiley face waffles in the morning...please tell me you know where I’m going with this.”
“Yuri made her promise -”
“People make a lot of promises. They’re empty words until you see the results.” Tiffany opened her mouth to speak but Sunny continued on. “If this is more to Yoona than just some stupid promise she made then you’ll know. You’ll know, Fany, and you’ll know what to do when the time comes.”
“Yeah,” Tiffany sucked in a long breath. She could feel Sunny words resonate deep in her stomach. She balled up tighter. “You’re right.”
“Good, because I have to get back now.”
“Come visit me?”
“Now you ask? Gee. I’ve just been sitting over here waiting to hear from you and you come to me about some melodrama shit. Some best friend you are.”
Click. Sunny hung up and Tiffany grinned.
-/-/-/-
“That night at your apartment, what did you mean when you said it hurts?”
They sat on the floor in front of the couch. The blank screen of a movie played and finished lit up their faces. The footsteps and creaks of neighbors was all that could be heard in the silence.
Tiffany sat with her head leaned onto Yoona’s shoulder, their hands intertwined beneath the blankets. She felt Yoona go a little stiff at the question but Tiffany had learned now that Yoona kept nothing from her. She’d hand over her answers however difficult they may be.
“Everything.” Tiffany heard the sounds of her swallow, wetting her throat to take the scratch out of her voice. “Watching her, you, all of it happening...I wish I could’ve done more.”
“You’ve done enough.” Tiffany assured. She felt Yoona shake her head above her.
“Enough would be bringing her back.”
Her head lifted off Yoona’s shoulder, eyes meeting. Ache swelled in Tiffany’s chest. She had to keep herself from snapping.
“Don’t say things like that.” She whispered, with a ghost of a hiss.
“I’m sorry.” Yoona looked ashamed. She shifted, letting go of Tiffany’s hand to wrap her arms around her legs. She stared straight forward as she spoke. “I don’t want you to think I was only your friend because of how I felt.”
“You wouldn't still be here if that’s why you did it.” Tiffany dipped her eyes, trying to find Yoona’s but she refused to look at her. “I’m sorry for being such a mess.”
Yoona gave a soft smile. “Don’t say things like that.” Her head lolled over on her knees to look at her.
Leaning in, Tiffany tilted back Yoona’s chin. Their eyes locked and Tiffany held her breath. Nerves coiled in her stomach as warm lips melded with hers. The kiss was slow with purpose, lips moving hesitantly and was over before Tiffany could catch her breath.
She opened her eyes to see Yoona looking sheepishly up at her. “Not yet.”
“When?”
Yoona shook her head, tucking a strand of hair behind Tiffany’s ear. “Not yet.”
Nodding, Tiffany took the hand out of her hair and kissed it. She laced their fingers together and eased back to rest her head on Yoona’s shoulder.
In time, she’d know.
-/-/-/-
“Look what I got.” Yuri sang, arms threading around Tiffany from behind who scrubbed at dishes in the sink.
Her eyes dropped down to see a little silver band in Yuri’s hand. “What’s that?”
“A ring.”
“I know that, but why?”
“So you can’t say I never gave you anything.” Tiffany jabbed her with an elbow. Yuri laughed, pivoting over to lean back against the counter. “So everyone knows you belong to someone.”
Tiffany rose her brows. “Are you trying to propose to me, Kwon Yuri?”
“Is that what you want?”
Tiffany rolled her eyes, knocking her playfully in the arm. “You’re too much.”
She went back to scrubbing the dishes.
Yuri returned to circle her arms around her from behind, clutching hands at Tiffany’s stomach. She leaned back into the touch, eyes getting glossier and heart hammering with each of Yuri’s words in her ear.
“I don’t have anyone else left. You are all I have and you are the only one I want forever with.” Yuri drew back, turning Tiffany around with the gentle pull of her hand. Tiffany lost her breath when Yuri knelt onto one knee, holding the ring. “Tiffany Hwang, will you spend the rest of your life with me?”
She didn’t speak. She didn’t trust herself to speak.
Offering her hand, she allowed Yuri to slide it onto her finger. She stared at the little jewel. Even knowing that this was all it would be - an exchange of words like this in the kitchen and a band of a reminder of what they would have - Tiffany couldn't have asked for any more.
Taking Yuri’s face in her palms, she guided her up until she stood high enough for their lips to meet. Yuri’s arms encircled her and Tiffany allowed herself to fall completely into them. She allowed those lips to take all of her and she allowed her heart to be given completely away.
-/-/-/-
She couldn't breathe.
Tiffany sat upright in bed, gasping and wheezing for air. Panic attack.
Yoona appeared in a second, pushing through the bedroom door and gripped Tiffany’s shoulders. “Tiffany, Tiffany look at me!”
Her lashes fluttered. She could see nothing but faces of Yuri, silver gleaming in warm light, flashes of smiles and flicks of black hair. She pinched her eyes and opened them again to fuzzy blackness like white noise taking her vision.
She was hyperventilating.
“Look at me!” Yoona pressed. “Tiffany, breathe. Calm down. Slow down, you’re okay. You have to calm down.”
Tiffany clutched the front of her shirt, using the tips of her fingers as if they’d be able to open up her chest and allow air in.
“Tiffany, you’re okay.” The bed dipped as Yoona climbed on. Wide, worried eyes were in front of her. Calm eyes. Anchoring eyes. “You can do it. I’m right here. It’s okay.”
Tiffany focused on Yoona’s gaze. The face in front of hers was still distorted, warped into that haunting one of Yuri in a casket. She almost lost it until cool fingers pressed into her cheek and she saw Yoona’s eyes again.
“Shh, shh,” Yoona cooed.
Tiffany gripped onto her wrist, holding the hand to her face. The hazy blackness began to fade out and the moonlit darkness of the room seeped in. Deep black hair give way into dark, dark brunette and gaunt skin molded into smooth pale.
“That’s it. You’re okay, that’s it.” Yoona stroked at her cheek and Tiffany’s grip loosened on her wrist.
“Yoona?” Her voice was scratchy, shuddering. “I saw her.”
“I know.”
“I can’t stop seeing her.”
“That’s okay.”
“Yoona.” She she broke, whispering into Yoona’s neck who enveloped her. “She’s gone. God, she’s gone.”
She shook, fingers clawed into Yoona’s shirt as she cried. She cried for a thousand memories and a hundred moments. She cried for the pain and the joy. She cried for the a life gone too soon but also for the life she had been able to make worthwhile for the time it had.
Cool lips touched her temple and Tiffany relaxed. She curled herself into Yoona’s lap, breathing her in as she ran a hand up and down her back rocking them slightly.
“Yoona?”
“Hm?”
“Please, don’t go.”
“I won’t.”
And Tiffany thought, as she sought out Yoona’s hand and held it close to her chest, she had given so much love to Yuri…
“Please,” Tiffany closed her eyes, holding that hand tighter. “Please, don’t go, too.”
...Maybe she had some left to give to Yoona too.
Fin.
-
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Tiffany/Yuri
Summary: Somewhere between beginnings and ends
AN: Beta credit to bobalub
Part V
Red, orange, yellow.
The leaves drifted off near naked branches like drops of paint filling in the monochrome pigment of a black and white photo. Tiffany stared straight ahead, watching as a yellow leaf made its way down, down, down until it landed onto the coffin sitting beside an open grave.
The corner of her mouth twitched upwards as the leaf danced along the polished, onyx gray, streaking along it like a beam of sun. All Tiffany could really think, as the wind picked the leaf up and took it away, that even in her passing Yuri would never stop being that spot of sun.
“A moment of silence.”
Her head bowed but her eyes didn’t close. She took the opportunity to look around, chin tilting back up to see the tops of heads all bent and eyes shut. Tiffany suddenly felt like she could breathe again without all the eyes - those pitiful eyes. They weighed on her heavier than a tormented soul and drove her into the dirt with her beloved.
She took the moment as an escape, gaze sweeping along the crowd. She knew many faces and others she did not. From boxers to fans to old acquaintances and friends. Tiffany thanked them all silently for coming and for their support.
She looked to each of her sides. Siwon stood on one while Sunny took the other. She could feel their warmth but saw their faces. They were sculpted, carved like knights protecting their king on a chessboard. She wished they wouldn't try so hard. They didn’t need to be strong, not for her sake, they were all in it together.
The flash of pale skin drew Tiffany’s eyes to Yoona brushing hair behind her ear a couple seats down in the crowd trying to blend in. She wouldn’t take Tiffany’s offer to sit with the three of them. She claimed her rightful place was with all the others and Jessica who passed off that she was only their to help Taeyeon make sure things went smoothly.
The murmur of silence ended had Tiffany snapping her attention forward again. Men in black suits lifted the coffin gently to ease into the ground. Music began to play with the flick of Taeyeon’s cueing wrist and the sniffles began.
Tiffany screwed her eyes up to the clouds. She saw the tears, heard the sobs. They closed in around her, louder than the mocking chirp of birds and sharper than the searing planes overhead. They made her skin crawl and made her jaw tighten.
A hand reached out on her right. Sunny’s fingers intertwined with hers while Siwon eased in closer. Tiffany refused to look at them. She dropped her head, eyes at her feet. The casket gave its last showing before it was enveloped into the depths.
Tiffany licked her lips. She could feel her own tears building. She didn’t want to cry.
“Goodbye,” she whispered.
And then everything went cold.
-/-/-/-
“We’re sorry for your loss.”
“She was such a pretty girl.”
“Call if you need anything.”
“So young, so young.”
They hit Tiffany and rolled off slick like rain water in the form of cards, voicemails, letters, and run-ins over the days.
She picked up what cards she received and tossed them into the trash. She ripped flowers from counters and vases and threw them in after with every other piece of funeral paraphernalia she still had laying around.
“You must be heartbroken.”
“She didn’t deserve to die.”
“I don’t see how you do it.”
Picking up her ringing phone, Tiffany punched it off and shoved it in a drawer. She made for the bedroom and stopped at the door. The bed mocked her with the desire to sleep while the sting in her eyes reminded her of the last time she had tried only to end up seeing tubes and needles and whites and grays and -
Tiffany snatched the comforter from her bed and moved to the living room where she sprawled out on the couch. She lied there, eyes steadily growing heavier and heavier until she could keep them open no longer.
With the morning sun bidding her goodnight, Tiffany slept.
-/-/-/-
Black heels, black dress.
Tiffany sat on the edge of her bed. The closet door was open still holding her attire from the funeral days - weeks - ago on a hanger on the door. She stared at it. Black dress, black lace, a black sash around the middle. Black, black black…
Her eyes shifted, there were her heels thrown beside a pair of running shoes - her shoes. They were worn, put to good use. Tiffany stepped right over them as she reached in and pulled out a change of clothes.
She washed and dressed in silence. She combed out her hair, curling it on the ends and shook it out with a hand before she picked up her keys and left.
-/-/-/-
“Tiffany?”
“Hey,” she stopped organizing her cluttered desk to wave Yoona in with a smile.
Yoona walked into her office hesitatingly. Tiffany watched her face mold itself from shock into a poorly veiled mask of indifference as she approached with an arm full of papers. Her eyes swept the spotless desk, scanning over places where pictures used to sit.
Tiffany used the toe of her heel to push the box she had discarded all of those things further beneath her desk.
“I was about to go for lunch. Want to come?” She asked, distracting Yoona from pulling in her eyebrows anymore.
It was time she had seen Yoona since the funeral, kept out by unanswered phone calls and ignored voicemails. A part of her felt guilty for it. A part of her wanted to apologize, to reach out and grip her tight and beg for Yoona to do more than just lunches or dinner.
More than just swooping in at these desperate hours of need but rather cling on for her to stick around longer. To not leave Tiffany drowning alone like this anymore.
Yoona looked up at her, head tilted in concern. “What are you doing here?”
“You too?” As quickly as guilt had come, in set the anger. It was misplaced, she knew it the second it was out of her mouth but the poison kept seeping into her tongue. “Why does everyone keep asking me that?”
“We didn’t expect you in until next week.”
“The paper doesn’t stop for anyone. So why should I?” Tiffany snapped.
The flicker of hurt in the flat pull of Yoona’s lip was too much. What was that Sunny always told her?
“Hurt people hurt people, Fany. Get a hold of yourself.”
The situation had been different - something immature with a frat boy she should’ve kicked to the curb before he even had the chance to flash his pretty smile. But Tiffany knew. She knew the longer she sat there in front of one of the few people she had left she’d do more damage than she wanted to.
“On second thought,” Tiffany picked her purse out of the bottom drawer. “I think I’ll eat alone.”
She clicked out of the room. She didn’t have to look back to know Yoona didn’t follow.
But that guilt paired with a simmering pang of yearning wished she would have.
-/-/-/-
“What’s that?” Yuri looked down at the box dropped in her lap from where she lounged on the couch.
“Something you never get me.” Tiffany swatted at Yuri’s legs to move and sat down, curling up on Yuri’s side as she took up the box in her hands.
“A box?”
“A present.” Tiffany deadpanned.
“Oh.”
Tiffany rolled her eyes. “Well, open it.”
Yuri chuckled to herself as she peeled off pieces of tape and paper. Scratching at the flap, she popped it open. Tiffany smiled, watching Yuri take out a long furry charm hanging at the end of a metal chain.
“Uh…” Yuri turned it around in the air, brow drawn in. “What is it?”
“It’s a rabbit's foot!”
“For what?”
“For good luck! Look.” Tiffany got up to grab Yuri keys from the coffee table. Returning to the couch, she started linking it onto one of the keyrings. “You put it on here and carry it around wherever you go.”
“Why?”
“Seriously?”
“My family wasn’t the superstitious type.”
Tiffany sneered, pinching Yuri in the arm. She smirked at Yuri’s little wince as she rubbed the sore spot.
“I got it because I know you’ve been worried about your match coming up,” Tiffany explained. “I have to work so I won’t be able to travel with you, and it’s your first big match of the season, so I thought this would help.”
“It’s a severed piece of rodent.”
“Yuri!”
Yuri leaned over, pecking her lips. “I love it, thank you.”
Sitting back, Yuri took the keys out of Tiffany’s hand and leaned back against the armrest. She held the keychain above her head, flicking at the charm like a curious cat.
“Don’t lose it.” Tiffany grumbled, getting up to head for the kitchen.
It was when she was pulling out the frying pan when she heard Yuri shout,
“But I always get you something for your birthday!”
Tiffany smirked.
-/-/-/-
Her apartment had never known solitude but Tiffany wasn’t alone. She wouldn’t allow herself to think that. She wouldn’t allow herself to claim that.
She sat out two plates, scooping equal portions onto each. Yuri was always late on weekends but she’d never let her dinner go cold. She’d be home any second, jogging down the hall and fumbling to get her key into the lock.
She’d swoop in, peck Tiffany’s cheek, run off to wash her face and hands then return to eat.
Tiffany cut her chicken up slowly. Yuri just needed a bit more time.
The clock mocked her, minute after minute after minute after minute.
Her plate was halfway gone when the floorboards outside the door gave a creak. Tiffany jumped from the table and ran for it. She got the front door opened before reality sank in.
She stared at the wall across the way.
Empty.
Shutting the door, Tiffany turned the bolt and jammed her shoulder against it making sure it was shut tightly. What had she been thinking?
Her chest burned right in the center as she leaned up against the door, face smashed into the wood. her hands clenched, keeping them from shaking. She ground her jaw to keep down the cutting feeling in her throat.
Yuri wasn’t there. Yuri wasn’t coming home. Yuri was gone. She was gone.
Tiffany slapped a hand over her mouth to hold back the squeak of a cry. A hand gripped onto the front of her shirt as if the harder she held she’d be able to mend the shattered pieces in her chest there. But she couldn't.
She was heartbroken. She was more than that. Something akin to gutted by a rusty knife and served on a platter for the world to eat alive.
Sinking to the floor, Tiffany drew in her knees. She groped at her chest. She needed to pull the needles out.
She gasped - dry heaved - as the onslaught of emotion came over her. She couldn't breathe. It was almost too much, struck suddenly by all she had not felt the day she saw Yuri last looking cold, dolled up, and put on display as if she were still in her prime.
For the first time since Yuri took her last breath, face pressed to the floor, Tiffany cried.
-/-/-/-
A plate hit the table.
Tiffany looked up from her files to see one of the waitresses smiling down at her through the glare in her reading glasses.
“I didn’t order this.”
The waitress shrugged and walked away. Tiffany eyed the sandwich and soup that steamed something tantalizing. She wondered if it was a message - that if she was going to come in and work every night she better eat something.
Picking off a flake of croissant, Tiffany chewed on it halfheartedly. If she wanted to eat something, she’d cook. If she wanted to cook, she’d go home. If she wanted to feel trapped and smothered with the fact she’d be doing it alone, she’d sit at her dining table and eye the chair across from her.
A mug of tea soon came to her table by the same waitress. Tiffany opened her mouth to speak when -
“On the house.” The waitress sat down a few choices of sugars. “Stay as long as you’d like.”
Tiffany watched her go, fading into the backdrop of the cafe to attend to another table. A pair of eyes of the person being waited on caught her attention and Tiffany gritted her teeth. She knew that face. She had seen it at Yuri’s gym enough to remember him. To know he had been close to Yuri.
Tiffany pushed away the plate of food and picked up her files to read again. She needed no one’s pity food and she needed no kind waitress to keep checking over on her with the excuse of pouring her more tea.
Stomach twisted into knots, Tiffany finished her work and went home.
The couch enveloped her like an old friend and the insomnia kept her company all the same.
Alarm going off, Tiffany got to her feet and repeated it all again.
-/-/-/-
“Yoona?”
Yoona stopped in the hall right before Tiffany’s office door. She turned slowly, finding Tiffany’s face. Tiffany wondered if Yoona could read the lines in her face and crack the code of what laid in the bags beneath her eyes and the sunken sharp angles of her cheeks.
With a small nod, Yoona stepped slowly over the threshold. She remained standing, hands clasped in front of her as she gave a small bow. “I’m sorry about last week.”
Tiffany went rigid. She felt an apology form on her tongue. But to say sorry was to admit something was wrong.
“Do you want to have dinner with me?” She said instead.
Yoona’s lashes fluttered in surprise. Though she tried to hide it, the corner of her lip kinked up into a smile before she let it fade. “I’ll pick you up?”
Tiffany bit her tongue before she could lash out. Yoona was only asking because that’s what they used to do, sometimes alternating between who would pick who up. It had nothing to do with her capabilities or lack there of.
She forced on a smile. “I’ll meet you there.”
-/-/-/-
She took them to a table in the back without waiting to be seated. A waiter smiled her way and Tiffany ignored him as she slipped in beneath warm caramel light across from Yoona.
“Do you come here often?” Asked Yoona after ordering.
Tiffany laughed it off, passing her menu off to the waiter. “The environment is easy to work in.”
“Holes in the wall are the best places for that.”
“They’re quiet.”
“They are.” Yoona thanked the waiter who sat down their food.
Tiffany tried not to think about how dull and tasteless their conversation was as she chewed on a lettuce leaf. She thought she had gotten rid of that elephant. But a new one had arrived the moment they sat down, taunting Tiffany like a weight in her chest.
“I’ve been looking for a new apartment.” She tried again.
“What’s wrong with the one you’re in?”
“Too big for one person.” Her body seized right after the words left her mouth. There was so much more to it than extra square feet. More things along the lines of memories and legacy, life and loss, beginnings and ends.
“Hmm,” Yoona hummed, blowing off a spoon of soup. “Maybe I could help you look.”
“Maybe.”
Tiffany watched her eat, memories taking her back into that hospital room. Curiosity welled up in her along with a choking sense of fear. It was something that had always scratched at the back of Tiffany’s mind but she had always been too afraid to ask. But she had to know. She needed to know.
“Yoona?”
She jerked her head to show she was listening. Tiffany licked her lips as Yoona took a bite of her sandwich. Crumbs decorated her bottom lip that she quickly dabbed at with a napkin. Her eyes found Tiffany, willing her to continue.
Tiffany got caught in those eyes the way she saw Yuri lock onto them. Suddenly, Tiffany didn’t feel hungry anymore.
“What did she tell you?”
“When?”
“You know when.”
Yoona sat down her spoon, nervously running a hand through her hair. Tiffany wondered if she’d lie, make something up, pretend she didn’t know what Tiffany was talking about. Perhaps she had a right to do that - it was between her and Yuri - and perhaps she may have been better off not knowing.
“She told me to stop holding back.” Said Yoona. She shifted, sitting taller as she found Tiffany’s eyes square on when she spoke again. “And I told her that I loved you too much to let you die with her.”
Tiffany stiffened. Something nasty and lashing swam up her gut and pulled in grinded her teeth. Something like anger simmered beneath the surface of her skin.
“I don’t need you.” She bit, acidic enough she could taste the bitterness of her own words.
Yoona nodded, head dropping. She picked up her spoon in one swift motion and continued eating.
Tiffany boiled, watching her do it as if what she had said could be easily thrown away. As if it didn’t affect Tiffany or herself. As if Tiffany didn’t feel it or know it in her core that Yoona was telling the truth and a part of her had fluttered at it.
As if Yuri’s death had finally given her the grace to even make such a claim.
Snatching up her purse, Tiffany got up and left.
-/-/-/-
She didn’t need her.
Tiffany stormed into her apartment, throwing her purse away blindly as she sliced through into the bedroom.
She didn’t need Yoona. She didn’t need anyone. She didn’t need Yuri and her fragments looming over her and dangling like tarnished bulbs swinging off dead, dry limbs of a christmas tree.
“Out!” Tiffany snarled.
The door slammed against the wall as Tiffany threw the closet open. She dove in, hands grabbing one piece of clothing to the next. Shirts ripped off hangers and fell to the floor in a pile.
Tears coated her face as she clawed out everything that was Yuri – everything that smelt of Yuri.
“No, no, no, no, no!” She chanted.
Blouses and pants wrapped around her ankles as she pressed deeper inside tricking her footing.
With a yell, Tiffany went barreling inside, body smacking against the back wall. She fell, bringing down the clothing rod that clattered down on top of her.
“Fuck!”
She fought to throw it all off of her – to get Yuri away. Her smell wafted thick and spicy, choking Tiffany into ragged sobs.
Her chest ached and her throat burned. Her nails scratched against her neck in desperation. Everything hurt. Everything hurt. Everything hurt.
She pushed deep into the corner, gasping harshly with a dry throat. Tears streamed down her red face, running sloppy make-up.
She pulled into herself, arms wrapped tightly around her legs. Her body canted over, landing her face into clothes. She could smell the mix of her and Yuri as thick and strong as if she were lying with her.
“Why?” Tiffany choked out, gripping onto a shirt. “Why!”
Her teeth clenched, eyes pinching. Her sobs came in dry heaves from the center of her gut.
Agony seared through her.
Tiffany curled up, shirt held tightly to her chest.
“Why?”
-/-/-/-
“Yuri.”
Tiffany wished she hadn’t seen them, but her face had given it away. Yuri turned over her shoulder and there they were being seated a section over from where they sat.
“We should go.” Tiffany signed her name on the check and picked up Yuri’s keys.
“Wait,” Yuri stopped her with the seriousness in her tone. When she looked at Tiffany, it was with a mix of both sadness and fear. “Maybe we should say something.”
“I’m sure that’s exactly what they want.”
“Why are you getting angry?”
“I’m not.”
“Yes, you are.”
“I just think we should leave. They haven’t seen us yet and they won’t ever have to see us again. Like you said.”
Yuri’s face hardened. She dropped her napkin on the table and got up.
“Yuri.” Tiffany called after her then hissed, “Yuri!” But she was too far away and heads had already looked their way in the restaurant.
Tiffany watched in nervous anticipation as Yuri hovered for a moment, waiting for the waiter to leave the table before she walked up to it. The look on the Kwon’s faces shifted just as much as Tiffany did in her chair from witnessing it.
Confusion, to shock, to horror, to disgust when Mrs. Kwon caught sight of Tiffany across the way.
She immediately looked down but quickly turned back up. It looked bad. Tense. Mr. Kwon sipped continuously at his wine as Yuri talked with rigid shoulders. Tiffany couldn't see her face, but she could see the parent’s. They weren’t pleased, and by the looks of it, whatever was spewing out of Mrs. Kwon’s mouth was rancid to both Yuri’s heart and her ears.
At the sight of Mrs. Kwon standing up, Tiffany rose ready to move.
Mr. Kwon intervened, waving for his wife to sit while Yuri backed away with hands up. She drew back a few more paces and bowed deeply to both of them before making it for the door.
Tiffany rushed out then, finding Yuri pacing up and down the sidewalk, hands in her hair.
“Yuri-”
“Don’t!” She snapped, finger pointed at her. “Don’t say anything.”
She walked away, pacing again. She reached the corner of the street where she stopped and screamed something harsh into the night that echoed off buildings.
Tiffany clenched her hands in the pockets of her coat, feeling the metal of keys dig into her palm. She stayed at a distance watching Yuri sink down onto a bench, back hunched over and hands clasped behind her neck with head downcast.
She had never once seen Yuri look so alone - so rejected.
Tiffany felt the fur of the rabbits foot brush along her palm. She sighed, leaning against the brick face of a shop, waiting for the coils in Yuri’s shoulders to subside.
No matter how much luck she could give, there were some things it would never be enough for.
-/-/-/-
She woke with a dullness set in her ribs and a heaviness in her lids.
Tiffany rolled onto her back with soreness in her limbs. She stared up at the closet ceiling, eyes following the lazy swing of the lightbulb chain hovering above her. The musty smell of the closet pressed in on all sides reminding her how many nights she had spent curled up on clothes like a mattress and wrapped in jackets like blankets.
The fragrance of Yuri had bled into nothingness - her senses already becoming accustomed to it. She sucked in a shallow breath, trying to taste the air but got nothing but the dusty, damp heat in return. Tiffany sucked in through her nose, lungs shuddering as they tried to grasp onto something - anything - of what she so desperately wanted.
But there was nothing left.
Rolling onto her stomach, Tiffany pushed herself to hands and knees and crawled. She pushed the closet door open with a shoulder and dragged herself on weak limbs across the bedroom floor. The carpet was itchy beneath her palms but it had no comparison to the scratchiness in her throat.
Intruding rays of sun peeked through slivers in the curtains. Tiffany avoided them and curled up with knees to her chest against the side of her bed, head lolled back onto a comforter she hadn’t used in days.
Hand throwing up, she dragged her phone off her night table and dialed.
The ring was harsh in the silence but the voice that cut through was delicate, almost palpable, reaching through the receiver to brush at Tiffany’s cheek.
“Tiffany?”
Their breath took over the line after that - Tiffany’s elongated and shaky while Yoona’s remained soft and quick.
She licked her lips, tasting the salt of her own teas and the residue of blood from where she had bitten too hard into it.
One last quivering breath, she whispered, “help me.”
-/-/-/-
Drowsiness was upon Tiffany when Yoona arrived. She had enough strength to get to the door and unlock it to let her in.
The way Yoona looked at her made Tiffany want to crawl back into closet and hide away. Not because Yoona saw the repulsion of Tiffany’s tangled, matted hair and empty, sunken cheeks but rather because she looked at Tiffany with care.
Stepping inside, Yoona took Tiffany loosely by the wrist and led her through the apartment.
Tiffany said nothing as she worked, setting Tiffany on top of the toilet cover and turning on the bath water. She left for a moment and came back with a handful of clean clothes and sat them on the sink counter.
“I’ll be in the kitchen.” Yoona said, starting for the door.
“No.” Tiffany blinked against the harsh lights. The ghost of Yuri lingered here. She did not want to be left alone with it. “Please?”
Yoona sucked on her bottom lip, eyes fluttering barely. Something in Tiffany told her Yoona was trying to keep it together as much as she was.
They spoke not another word as Yoona knelt down, helping pull the shirt over Tiffany’s head. She slipped pants down her legs and flicked them away off her ankles. Standing her up, she turned Tiffany around. Her cold fingers sent shivers down Tiffany’s spine as they undid the clasps of her bra and let it fall from her arms.
Yoona offered her arm as support, helping ease Tiffany into the tub. Her eyes stayed on Yoona as she settled down into the warm water with guiding hands that leaned her against the wall.
When Yoona went to pull back for the soap Tiffany caught her hand. Yoona’s gaze finally met hers and they stopped.
Tiffany couldn't read Yoona the way she could Yuri. She couldn’t place why her eyes were so heavy or that ghost of a smile ever present was gone. She couldn't tell why her lashes fluttered when Tiffany threaded their fingers together and held it tightly as she closed her eyes.
She couldn't tell but Tiffany didn’t care. All she needed at that moment was an anchor. One that wouldn’t let her slide under the water and drown herself the way she was afraid she would’ve done if no one else were there.
All she needed was someone to help take all the pain away.
Sometime to make her feel something other than this sinking feeling again.
-/-/-/-
Packets of ramyeon and flakes of dried noodles littered the kitchen counter. Her trashcan was overflowed with groceries gone bad in her fridge that had only been opened by Yoona for the first time in the past months.
Yanking the bag from the bin, Yoona tied off the open end and placed another inside before washing off her hands and returning to the stove.
She poured spicy, steaming noodles into two bowls and brought them to the table. Tiffany watched her eat, waiting for the nausea of eating to come to her. It didn’t.
Yoona sprinkled some sort of seasoning into her bowl that attacked Tiffany's nose in a tangy fury. Her stomach churned, gnawing on itself and her mouth began to water.
Picking up her chopsticks, Tiffany stirred the noodles around, staring down at the bowl.
Picking some up, she blew on it and chewed slowly.
-/-/-/-
Tiffany stood in the middle of the gym. Her eyes were drawn to the large, frontface window where a memorial for Yuri laid rich with flowers and pictures. Unlit candles, wicks gone black and wax nearly completely melted surrounded gloves, shoes, towels. Folded up letters were strew along over a robe peppered with petals.
“Fany?”
Tiffany swiped the stray tear off her cheek as she turned around. Siwon stood before her, holding Yuri’s old gym bag. She nearly choked seeing the worn out, beaten up rabbits foot hanging off the strap.
“You don’t have to take it-”
“No,” Tiffany held out her hand for it. “No, I can. I can take it.”
The strap dug into her shoulder, weighing her down. A part of her told her to hand it back - she didn’t need this stuff too. She couldn’t handle anymore of this.
“Call me if you need anything.”
“I will,” Tiffany pushed on a sad smile. Siwon echoed it in a way that said he knew Tiffany probably wouldn’t. At least not now. “Thank you.”
She bowed and turned to go.
“Hey, Fany?” Siwon called. She turned over her shoulder. “You look good.”
“Thank you.” She murmured and walked out of the place.
She left everything but one of Yuri’s shirt in the trunk of her car and pulled it on before climbing into bed.
It was the first time sleep came to her a little easier than before - she never did sleep well without Yuri beside her. But she couldn’t figure if that was because of Yuri’s scent filling her nose or the sound of footsteps in the other room that made her believe Yuri was just beyond the door and would come in to curl up with her soon.
Whatever it was, Tiffany thought as she drifted off, she thanked it for keeping the nightmares away this once.
-/-/-/-
It was funny what loneliness and brokenness could do to a person - could make them feel. Tiffany convinced herself that was all it was. She was not whole, her other half had gone, and her body screamed for that lost piece of the puzzle to complete her again but could only find this jagged edge.
It saw the rough ends of this new piece, sharp and new and flashy unlike the well weathered rounded turns and dips of Yuri. But it was alluring - Yoona was alluring. Her smell of roasted coffee beans and skin of a velvet moon were enticing.
Tiffany willed herself to block out all else. She didn’t want to think of the warmth Yoona brought into her apartment or the warmth in her heart that had spilt out on many occasion to envelope Tiffany when her insides felt the coldest. She didn’t want to admit how she didn’t want her to go home - she wanted to cling on and let everything of her past fade into blackness tucked beneath crisps sheets.
She didn’t want to. She wouldn’t. She couldn’t admit it.
But she could show it, masked in the guise of needing something to distract her from the anguish that always waged within her.
“Tiffany?” Yoona’s voice was groggy and thick. She sat up on the couch, blanket falling around her waist and messy hair cascading over her shoulders in waves.
Those footsteps never came into her bedroom and Tiffany needed something real to atone for the absence of a second dip in her bed.
She hardly thought, moving in one swift motion, cutting off Yoona’s surprised breath and choking out her own uneven breathing.
Yoona tasted of silk and the rise of a summer moon. Her lips were smooth and cool, soft pillows that allowed Tiffany to rest and whisper her burdens onto. She held Yoona still with a hand, tongue tasting the newness of that mouth full of too big smiles and a wave-settling voice.
And then it all caught up to her.
She pulled back, eyes wide while Yoona’s remained drunk with sleep and lidded with the faint hint of desire. She licked her lips lazily and Tiffany watched the movement almost tempted to dip back for more.
She moved away instead.
Returning to the bedroom, she locked the door behind her and leaned up against it.
Her lips tingled and her veins felt like fire and ice were rushing through them. Her hands were shaking when she brought one up to touch her lips.
Yoona held promise in her kiss and safety on her tongue.
Tiffany closed her eyes and let out a breath. She hadn’t expected that.
And she hadn’t expected her heart to yearn for it the way it did.
-/-/-/-
They tiptoed around each in the morning.
Tiffany emerged from the bedroom drowsy and groggy. She had hardly gotten any sleep. Her mind raced along with her pulse that cycled between hard pounding against her chest and suffocating clenches that had her in near tears.
She shuffled into the kitchen and leaned against the counter. Yoona moved around, pouring coffee and toasting bagels. She buzzed about as if Tiffany wasn’t there while at the same time acknowledging she was with how many spoons of sugar she dropped into the mug for Tiffany and how many minutes she allowed the bagel to toast.
It was when Yoona was spreading cinnamon cream cheese onto a bagel that Tiffany finally broke the silence.
“I’ll always love her.” Her voice sounded small and laced with exhaustion.
Yoona’s hand paused for a moment and quickly started up again. “I know.”
“You don’t care?”
“I made a promise.” She sat down Tiffany’s plate first then doubled back to grab hers.
Tiffany remained where she stood against the counter, watching Yoona with narrowed eyes. “What if you never did?”
Yoona’s plate clinked against the table followed by the scratch of her chair as she pulled it out and sat down. When she looked up at Tiffany, she had that look on her face like the one she had in the cafe. Something of pure certainty and apprehension but the latter would not stop her from speaking.
“I’d still be here,” she started, voice heavy with a sincerity that made Tiffany’s stomach twist. “I’d still be here, right now, with you, making sure your noodles were warm and your bath was drawn.”
“You’re lying.”
“Am I?” Yoona blinked down to her plate and picked up her bagel.
There it was again, that heir of indifference. But Tiffany knew she was anything but. She saw the faint quiver in Yoona’s hand as she picked up her glass to sip. But she mostly knew because Tiffany felt the same quiver in her lip that vibrated down into her chest and made her heart squeeze.
Leaving her food untouched, Tiffany returned to her room and shut the door.
-/-/-/-
“I kissed Yoona.”
“You don’t talk to me for a month and this is what you call to tell me?”
“I don’t know why I did it.”
“I think you do. Hold on a sec.” The sounds of music and people chatting came and went as Suny moved to a different room in the station. “Remember when I told you not to be stupid?”
“This probably isn’t the right time to say I told you so, is it?”
Silence came from Sunny’s end. Tiffany could practically hear her rolling her eyes. “You never had feelings for Yoona then.”
“What about-”
“You were scared then and you’re lonely now.” Sunny came back, voice set. “Now listen to me because I only have a few minutes.” She took a breath. Tiffany felt the weight of her words before they even started. “No one is going to be able to erase Yuri. No one will be what Yuri was. Yoona will never be her and the sooner you accept that the sooner you’ll figure this all out.”
Tiffany chewed on her lip, body curling up tighter where she laid buried in the darkness beneath her covers. “Doesn’t that sound selfish?”
“You just lost the love of your life a few months ago,” Sunny pointed out, voice catching just barely. “It could take years for you to recover, and if Yoona is still there making you smiley face waffles in the morning...please tell me you know where I’m going with this.”
“Yuri made her promise -”
“People make a lot of promises. They’re empty words until you see the results.” Tiffany opened her mouth to speak but Sunny continued on. “If this is more to Yoona than just some stupid promise she made then you’ll know. You’ll know, Fany, and you’ll know what to do when the time comes.”
“Yeah,” Tiffany sucked in a long breath. She could feel Sunny words resonate deep in her stomach. She balled up tighter. “You’re right.”
“Good, because I have to get back now.”
“Come visit me?”
“Now you ask? Gee. I’ve just been sitting over here waiting to hear from you and you come to me about some melodrama shit. Some best friend you are.”
Click. Sunny hung up and Tiffany grinned.
-/-/-/-
“That night at your apartment, what did you mean when you said it hurts?”
They sat on the floor in front of the couch. The blank screen of a movie played and finished lit up their faces. The footsteps and creaks of neighbors was all that could be heard in the silence.
Tiffany sat with her head leaned onto Yoona’s shoulder, their hands intertwined beneath the blankets. She felt Yoona go a little stiff at the question but Tiffany had learned now that Yoona kept nothing from her. She’d hand over her answers however difficult they may be.
“Everything.” Tiffany heard the sounds of her swallow, wetting her throat to take the scratch out of her voice. “Watching her, you, all of it happening...I wish I could’ve done more.”
“You’ve done enough.” Tiffany assured. She felt Yoona shake her head above her.
“Enough would be bringing her back.”
Her head lifted off Yoona’s shoulder, eyes meeting. Ache swelled in Tiffany’s chest. She had to keep herself from snapping.
“Don’t say things like that.” She whispered, with a ghost of a hiss.
“I’m sorry.” Yoona looked ashamed. She shifted, letting go of Tiffany’s hand to wrap her arms around her legs. She stared straight forward as she spoke. “I don’t want you to think I was only your friend because of how I felt.”
“You wouldn't still be here if that’s why you did it.” Tiffany dipped her eyes, trying to find Yoona’s but she refused to look at her. “I’m sorry for being such a mess.”
Yoona gave a soft smile. “Don’t say things like that.” Her head lolled over on her knees to look at her.
Leaning in, Tiffany tilted back Yoona’s chin. Their eyes locked and Tiffany held her breath. Nerves coiled in her stomach as warm lips melded with hers. The kiss was slow with purpose, lips moving hesitantly and was over before Tiffany could catch her breath.
She opened her eyes to see Yoona looking sheepishly up at her. “Not yet.”
“When?”
Yoona shook her head, tucking a strand of hair behind Tiffany’s ear. “Not yet.”
Nodding, Tiffany took the hand out of her hair and kissed it. She laced their fingers together and eased back to rest her head on Yoona’s shoulder.
In time, she’d know.
-/-/-/-
“Look what I got.” Yuri sang, arms threading around Tiffany from behind who scrubbed at dishes in the sink.
Her eyes dropped down to see a little silver band in Yuri’s hand. “What’s that?”
“A ring.”
“I know that, but why?”
“So you can’t say I never gave you anything.” Tiffany jabbed her with an elbow. Yuri laughed, pivoting over to lean back against the counter. “So everyone knows you belong to someone.”
Tiffany rose her brows. “Are you trying to propose to me, Kwon Yuri?”
“Is that what you want?”
Tiffany rolled her eyes, knocking her playfully in the arm. “You’re too much.”
She went back to scrubbing the dishes.
Yuri returned to circle her arms around her from behind, clutching hands at Tiffany’s stomach. She leaned back into the touch, eyes getting glossier and heart hammering with each of Yuri’s words in her ear.
“I don’t have anyone else left. You are all I have and you are the only one I want forever with.” Yuri drew back, turning Tiffany around with the gentle pull of her hand. Tiffany lost her breath when Yuri knelt onto one knee, holding the ring. “Tiffany Hwang, will you spend the rest of your life with me?”
She didn’t speak. She didn’t trust herself to speak.
Offering her hand, she allowed Yuri to slide it onto her finger. She stared at the little jewel. Even knowing that this was all it would be - an exchange of words like this in the kitchen and a band of a reminder of what they would have - Tiffany couldn't have asked for any more.
Taking Yuri’s face in her palms, she guided her up until she stood high enough for their lips to meet. Yuri’s arms encircled her and Tiffany allowed herself to fall completely into them. She allowed those lips to take all of her and she allowed her heart to be given completely away.
-/-/-/-
She couldn't breathe.
Tiffany sat upright in bed, gasping and wheezing for air. Panic attack.
Yoona appeared in a second, pushing through the bedroom door and gripped Tiffany’s shoulders. “Tiffany, Tiffany look at me!”
Her lashes fluttered. She could see nothing but faces of Yuri, silver gleaming in warm light, flashes of smiles and flicks of black hair. She pinched her eyes and opened them again to fuzzy blackness like white noise taking her vision.
She was hyperventilating.
“Look at me!” Yoona pressed. “Tiffany, breathe. Calm down. Slow down, you’re okay. You have to calm down.”
Tiffany clutched the front of her shirt, using the tips of her fingers as if they’d be able to open up her chest and allow air in.
“Tiffany, you’re okay.” The bed dipped as Yoona climbed on. Wide, worried eyes were in front of her. Calm eyes. Anchoring eyes. “You can do it. I’m right here. It’s okay.”
Tiffany focused on Yoona’s gaze. The face in front of hers was still distorted, warped into that haunting one of Yuri in a casket. She almost lost it until cool fingers pressed into her cheek and she saw Yoona’s eyes again.
“Shh, shh,” Yoona cooed.
Tiffany gripped onto her wrist, holding the hand to her face. The hazy blackness began to fade out and the moonlit darkness of the room seeped in. Deep black hair give way into dark, dark brunette and gaunt skin molded into smooth pale.
“That’s it. You’re okay, that’s it.” Yoona stroked at her cheek and Tiffany’s grip loosened on her wrist.
“Yoona?” Her voice was scratchy, shuddering. “I saw her.”
“I know.”
“I can’t stop seeing her.”
“That’s okay.”
“Yoona.” She she broke, whispering into Yoona’s neck who enveloped her. “She’s gone. God, she’s gone.”
She shook, fingers clawed into Yoona’s shirt as she cried. She cried for a thousand memories and a hundred moments. She cried for the pain and the joy. She cried for the a life gone too soon but also for the life she had been able to make worthwhile for the time it had.
Cool lips touched her temple and Tiffany relaxed. She curled herself into Yoona’s lap, breathing her in as she ran a hand up and down her back rocking them slightly.
“Yoona?”
“Hm?”
“Please, don’t go.”
“I won’t.”
And Tiffany thought, as she sought out Yoona’s hand and held it close to her chest, she had given so much love to Yuri…
“Please,” Tiffany closed her eyes, holding that hand tighter. “Please, don’t go, too.”
...Maybe she had some left to give to Yoona too.
Fin.
-
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no subject
Date: 2013-11-25 05:14 am (UTC)Spooooottt!!Top Comment Pressure. Oh dear. XD
So, as expected, the beginning broke my heart. Even the very thought of losing the person closest to me I get so...*clutches chest* choked up. And you conveyed Tiffany's feelings well. I empathized with her in every scene. ((and I loved the flashbacks))
Even though this is the chapter post-Yuri's death, the reader went through a journey of mourning with Tiffany for every part. Not everyone, especially at that age, has to prepare and expect the love of their life to leave permanently. It's heartbreaking and unfair and just seems wrong on every cosmic level. Yet, it happens. Boxxy, you're a master of the angst and I'm quite pleased to get lost in your stories.
Yoona's presence was definitely needed for Tiffany to put the pieces together, huh? How realistic. It's easy to say that she should go on with her life on her own before finding love again blah blah, but there do exist people who require a constant, caring shoulder.
I could go on and on. Yet, the point is that I took a lot from this story. It's well-written and pulls at my heartstrings in twisty ways. And the thing is, after every chapter, I smile. Why? 'Cause after the train wreck of feels whilst reading, I'm friggin' excited about getting all that conveniently wrapped in an LJ fanfic. That's good stuff.
Keep up with the good stuff, Boxxy. ♥
no subject
Date: 2013-11-27 09:17 pm (UTC)"Why? 'Cause after the train wreck of feels whilst reading, I'm friggin' excited about getting all that conveniently wrapped in an LJ fanfic." Seriously! I love it when you can walk away from a fic with more than just, "oh, nice story. Move along." Sure it's only a silly fanfic, but why not make it epic?
Thanks for always reading *gives all sorts of cookies and things*
...
Date: 2013-11-25 05:15 am (UTC);(
no subject
Date: 2013-11-25 06:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-11-25 10:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-11-27 09:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-11-25 12:16 pm (UTC)Edit: I DID IT, I PULLED THROUGH...barely.
I don't think words can express how good this story is, like mind-fuckingly good...shit that's not even a word. You really captured every heartbreaking emotion Tiffany went through, and even though it made my chest ache with sadness, this is still one of favorite fic in the history of fics.
I mean, i've always been a fan of your works. The way you write is so beautiful but heart wrenching at the same time. And to think that this made me cry...i'd just like to point out that i'm one of those people who NEVER cry...that truly deserves a round of applause.
So, my friend, thank you for reminding me that I'm human and that i can cry at times.
no subject
Date: 2013-11-27 09:21 pm (UTC)I'm glad you powered through to the end - even with the tears. And many, many, many thanks to you for reading. I hope I didn't tear your heart up too much :333
no subject
Date: 2013-11-25 01:18 pm (UTC)The silent and firm support of Yoona is so touching.
She wasn't pressuring Tiffany, she was just there for her...
And at the end when Tiffany finally accepted that Yuri's gone... beautiful.
Thank you for this fic. :)
no subject
Date: 2013-11-25 04:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-11-25 04:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-11-27 09:25 pm (UTC)Thanks for taking the time to read. It's not an easy fic to get through so I appreciate you soaking up these sad words and for leaving such a lovely comment. Thank you.
no subject
Date: 2013-11-25 07:52 pm (UTC)I didn't know what I was expecting. Yuri died. So ofc, it would be a sad chapter.
Then, there's this Yoonfany part and and and it suits perfectly in this story and I'm just so glad for Yoona's existence in this fic.
Thanks for this! :)
no subject
Date: 2013-11-27 09:26 pm (UTC)Thanks for reading this :D
no subject
Date: 2013-11-26 05:11 pm (UTC)What a ending, I feel bad for Yoona, she has to collect the broken Tiffany. The woman she love and care.
Yea I probably wouldn't get over that lost.
Thx boxy, for hurting me and giving me a piece of writing that fed my darkside of sadness.
Hahaha I like this fic. Great story
Thx for sharing. Until next time
no subject
Date: 2013-11-26 11:44 pm (UTC)No!
Date: 2013-12-04 05:54 am (UTC)Translation: wonderful piece beyond words.
Thank you!
PS: pls create TONS of this kind of fic :)